23
Jul
14

Vive la hellaflush libre

Oh, Québec.  You’re so… so… would you fucking separate already?!

For those among you who aren’t acquainted with “hellaflush” — and if you aren’t, you might want to stop reading now and think about something nice instead — this is basically the automotive equivalent of forbidding people from wearing saggy pants.  It’s of dubious utility and can be imaginatively construed as a safety risk, but mostly it’s associated with non-white youth who may or may not be up to no good. Therefore, it enrages and terrifies old people who, if there was a loving and merciful god out there, would be dead (or at least too deep in the grips of dementia to legislate) by now.  Did you miss my subtle implication?  This is Québec’s ruling class being racist again.

“Oh, but negative camber and stretched-out tires are dangerous!”  Yes, they are.  So is not mounting winter tires when the temperature drops below freezing — probably about a factor of ten more dangerous — but I don’t see a law about that.  For that matter, driving in rain or snow (or summer swarms of insects) with worn-out windshield wipers is about the closest you’re likely to come to vehicular manslaughter without actually trying to murder someone (or being Ted Kennedy) but nearly everyone fuckin’ does that as a matter of course.  Replacing those wiper blades every couple of seasons is haaaaaard.

Hey, how many people actually check the wear indicators on their tires more than once every never?  I’m just asking questions here.  Obviously, Québecois must be pretty up on their car maintenance if hellaflush is at the top of their road-safety hit list.

03
Jul
14

The kids aren’t just all right, they’re out of your hair

Granted that this post is part of a lasing medium, but Elizabeth Nolan Brown gives us an article with a mildly optimistic title:

(Hat tip: Coyote Blog.)

For the better part of a decade now, folks have been fretting about “boomerang” kids, the 20- and sometimes 30-something children of boomers who’ve come flocking back to their parents’ nests under the duress of a poor economy.

[...]

The dire pronouncements tend to be based on U.S. Census Bureau data, which does show an increasing number of young adults—more than half of those under 25, according to the most recent data—to be living with their parents. But Derek Thompson at The Atlantictears through this gloomy prognosis with one simple fact: The Census counted students who live on college campuses as living in their parents’ homes.

That almost makes me want to start reading The Atlantic again.  Then again, I’ve been pretty happy since I stopped.  Let’s roll with happy.

Brown concludes:

Even this isn’t quite as scary—or at least not as singularly scary for young adults—when you put it into perspective. When (if) the job market improves, young adults will likely have an easier time slipping back into it than their older counterparts simply by virtue of being younger and cheaper, said Dan Schawbel, founder of Millennial Branding management and consulting firm.

Meanwhile millennials are only barely less employed than Gen X’ers, who make up 37 percent of unemployed Americans. The oldest Gen X’ers turn 50 next year, while the youngest hover around age 35. This is the generation in the prime of their “prime earning years.” Whither the concern for Gen X everybody?

(Emphasis added.)

I submit that “concern for Gen X”, much like “concern for Gen Y”, is being expressed in minimum wage increases, or advocacy therefor.  It ‘s after all pretty cheap for currently-employed Boomers to demand that new hires be paid more, even though this leads to fewer new hires under the drearily predictable logic of simple division.  Because I’m sure I’ll need to spell it out, here goes: If I’m an employer with a budget of $T to spend on new hires, and the minimum wage is $k, I will hire at most n = floor(T/k) people.  Increase k and n decreases, unless you somehow manage to increase T.  Any minimum-wage doves want to go publicly all-in on subsidizing big business?

(I’ll note in passing, because I haven’t been enough of a nerd yet today, that all three of those terms should be parameterized with respect to time.  Under what assumptions does it make sense to increase $T(t) to compensate for an increase in $k(t)?  What do those assumptions imply about current restrictive immigration policies?  Please show your work; you should be able to use LaTeX to mark up integrals.)

26
Jun
14

While we’re at it

Vancouver’s public transit is reputed to be the best in North America.  It’s not inconceivable that it’s the best public transit system in the Americas.

It has also pointed out to me, over every fucking commute I’ve undertaken these past four days*, that a vast number of hydrocarbons that could otherwise be put to useful purposes are locked up in oblivious idiots who like to crowd into exactly the wrong areas of every fucking vehicle I’ve boarded.  When my chosen mode of transportation makes me think of sapient — I use the term loosely — human beings as wasted plastic bags, I need  a new damn mode of transportation.

Give me a few months and it’ll probably be a KLR650.  Maybe a CB500x.  Maybe a G650GS if I’m feeling especially prosperous.  I need an Aerostich first.

Fuck commuting by public transit.  I’d rather enjoy a 40min commute than treat a 70min commute as at best a temporary coma.  Sorry, mom.

——

* It’s been particularly bad this week, but this is far from an isolated occurrence.

26
Jun
14

Misery lasers

So this is how outrage fatigue works, kind of.

Most lasers — actual devices that amplify light by stimulated emission of radiation — work by bouncing photons back and forth between mirrors through a lasing medium until – zot! — they slide through one partially-reflective mirror.  I’ll let you look this shit up on Wikipedia if you so desire, as I’m too drunk to muster the giveafuck myself.

Software lasers are a mildly fanciful generalization of the concept: They get packets bouncing back and forth between mutually-antagonistic routers (or mail servers, or whatever) until one or both of the “mirrors” melts into more or less euphemistic slag.  But the generalization is instructive.

A misery laser comes to happen when two or more people of similar political persuasion come together to bitch and moan about Things These Days.  One person will bring up a topic that annoys their compatriots; the next will riff off of that topic to reinforce the notion that Things Are Going To Hell; the third will say “yes, and…” (and elaborate!), and then the malaise and frustration will reflect off of the side of the room and propagate back towards the first person.

Efforts to inject optimism into the system are, as you might expect, doomed to failure.  You might as well shine a flashlight crosswise through a lasing medium.

Eventually, an optical laser will shoot coherent light off in one or the other direction of its major axis.  A software laser will eventually fuck up one or the other mail server (or whatever the fuck services were having a spat).  And eventually a misery laser will lead to an emotional breakdown, or perhaps (mostly) minor acts of physical violence.

This is why I don’t talk politics any more.  And when people around me do, I fantasize about being on a motorcycle, on a twisty road, half a continent away.  Continents are good for that; there’s usually a twisty road somewhere way the fuck far away.

21
Dec
13

Three food-related things that annoy me

In no particular order, for no particular reason.

1. “Diets don’t work!”

Diets work just the fuck fine.  Dieters, on the other hand, are usually stupid fuckups.

The first category of stupid fuckup dieter who says shit like “diets don’t work” is the person who’s not actually dieting.  You’ve seen these people, maybe even shared a brain with one of ‘em.  “I’m on a diet; I started using organic pasta in the five pounds of fettuccine alfredo I eat every night.”  “I’m on Atkins; I can eat eleventy billion kcal of bacon and pork rinds as long as I don’t have carbs.”  “I’m going vegan.  Did you know Oreos are vegan?”  Brilliant strategy, cupcake; how many calories are you eating, and how many are you burning?  “Oh, well, I don’t have time to pay attention to that stuff.”  Sure you do, you just don’t want to.  You cannot beat thermodynamics with wishful thinking.

The second category of stupid fuckup dieter does in fact diet, and does so successfully.  Then, having demonstrated to themselves and the world that thermodynamics works exactly as you’d expect, this person throws physics the fuck away and expects diet magic to prevent them from regaining all their fat when they go back to eating the same shit, in the same quantities, that made them fat in the first place.  “I gained all the weight back; diets don’t work!”  That diet worked fine… while you were on it.  These sorts of people love to prattle on about “sustainable lifestyle changes” as if that’s somehow an alternative to dieting, rather than the obvious and sensible thing to do after dieting.

2. “Bulking is so haaaard!

These people, rather than making excuses for not putting any meaningful and thoughfully-directed effort into losing fat, are instead making excuses for not putting any &c. into gaining muscle.  Or, some times, just any kind of weight at all.  I mean, if you want to make sure you’re gaining muscle and very little fat, the food part gets a little fiddly and you have to work really hard in the squat rack — and I don’t mean curling 65 for a zillion sets of ten, either.  But the eating part?  Holy shitballs, bulking is fun and motherfucking easy at the recreational level.  (There are counterexamples.  You’re not one of them.)

Assuming you’re doing enough work in the gym (you probably aren’t doing that, either, but that’s another rant), start by drinking a litre of whole milk every day in addition to “eating like omg soooo much“.  Use it to mix your protein shakes or something.  (What’s that?  You’re “bulking” but not drinking protein shakes?  I think we’ve found the fucking problem, Sparky.)  If that doesn’t do the trick, add another litre of whole milk.  Keep going until it starts to work.  If you can’t “force down” all that food, it’s a pretty great sign that you’re not lifting hard enough.  Run a Smolov squat cycle or something, you’ll discover your appetite.  (“I don’t squat though, I think I read somewhere that it’s bad for your knees.  Does Smolov work with leg press?”  Kill yourself.  Also, I think we found the fucking problem.)

3. “I can’t eat healthy, I don’t have time to cook”

Bullshit.  It takes maybe fifteen minutes to prepare a batch of meat slop if you dice the cabbage (or use a food processor) instead of shredding it by hand.  Then you let it simmer for a while, during which you can perform all of the incredibly important tasks you’re pretending to have on your plate.  Or you can do what you actually want to do “instead of” cooking, like fapping to internet porn or watching CSI: Miami or some shit like that, as long as you take a minute every half hour or so to dig around in the pot with a wooden spoon and make sure the meat slop’s not carbonizing on the bottom of the pot.  There you go, roughly half an hour of aggregate effort and you have eight or ten meals.  Pack that shit in Pyrex and do it again in a couple of days.

“But eating the same thing over and over is boring!”  Fuck you.  Meal time is not a trip to Disneyland; it’s primarily about getting nutrition into your body, not entertaining you.  Do you insist that every trip to the gas station be a fun and novel experience?  No you don’t, because you’re not four years old.  Food is the same way.

——

In unrelated news, it’s christmas vacation season, and I’m planning to finally learn how to snatch properly over the course of my two weeks off.  My goal is to lift every day (except the 24th, the 25th, and the 1st, because the gym isn’t open those days), on the following programme:

  1. Do a bunch of heaving snatch balances until my brain gets cosy with the idea of diving under a loaded barbell
  2. Do a bunch of squat snatches until my form breaks down
  3. Do high-bar squats or front squats to a max double, then backoffs, with some chins or pullups after each set
  4. Do presses or push presses to a max double, then backoffs, with some chins or pullups after each set

Today I started with overhead squats, but I think that was a mistake.  I put the bar overhead for OHSQs by snatching it, and I think doing even three or four terrible, awful, no-good power snatches at the start of my workout poisons my real snatch form just a little.  My technique on snatches is fucking terrible, and I’m gonna try to accumulate 400 or so good reps over the course of my vacation time.  I would be surprised, but not shocked, if I come back to this blog on January 5th and giddily announce that I’ve snatched bodyweight.  I’m sitting around at about 165 (down 20 from March; fuck you again, “diets don’t work” guy), and my best power snatch is 145 — more of a muscle snatch, really, I probably dipped about an inch under that bar.  I’m clearly strong enough to snatch 165, I just don’t have the skill or the mindset to do it.  Yet.

07
Dec
13

Supplement roundup, revisited

(Previously, previously.)

Let’s play this game again.

  • Protein powder — yup, still on the whey isolate train.  Lately I’ve been making two kinds of protein shakes: two scoops of whey isolate and 5g creatine for workouts, and the same plus a teaspoon of Metamucil and a teaspoon of Greens+ for the rest of the time.  I don’t have any direct evidence that the latter does me huge amounts of good, but the opportunity cost is negligible so I figure it can’t hurt.
  • Creatine — still cheap as hell, still silly effective at maintaining strength during glycogen depletion.
  • Beta alanine — ditched it over the summer, don’t miss it.  I’ve been doing a bunch of conditioning lately, and it turns out that “doing a bunch of conditioning” is better for increasing lactate-threshold performance than beta alanine.
  • L-carnitine l-tartrate — still great.  My pre-workout lately is 20mg ephedrine, 200mg caffeine, 1.5g LCLT.  It’s super effective!
  • Melatonin and ZMA — I’m pretty well convinced that these two help me sleep longer and better.
  • Waxy maize — dropped it.  Rather than drinking sawdust shakes for my carb-ups I’m eating sushi.  More expensive, but I actually enjoy it.
  • BCAAs — picked up an “off” bucket of these (smelled sour and foamed on contact with water) and haven’t bothered to replace it.  Looking back I think pure leucine was more effective.  Gonna see if I can find some of that when I start bulking again.
  • Liv-Tone — the Greens+ people make this shit, and it is an honest to Jesus hangover preventative.  I take two caps of this and two grams of time-release Vitamin C before I go out drinking, and if I get really lit up (and have the presence of mind to remember) the same when I get home.  As long as I drink a reasonable amount of water, not only does this leave me with nearly no hangover the next day, but my sleep quality actually seems decent (rather than the usual unhelpful drunk-sleep).  I mean, it doesn’t make chronic heavy drinking magically okay from a physiological perspective, but it sure makes occasional shitfacery a lot easier to fit in, even if it’s the night before leg day.
  • Fish oil, D3 gelcaps, glucosamine/chondroitin/MSM — still.  They are cheap and easy.
24
Nov
13

Gettin’ shredded: Boozeaholin’ for fun and profit

It’s kind of a slow night in the NFL, so I’m half-assedly digging around the internet for data on alcohol metabolism and ketogenic fat loss.

Basically, my premise is that alcoholic ketoacidosis is a thing, and is both related to ketosis and physiologically different from other forms of ketoacidosis, so maybe there are ways to use it to my advantage.  I had a vague notion going in that alcohol consumption — in particular, the hard stuff, rather than maltose-laden beer — somehow speeds up the transition to ketosis after a carb load.  If it does so by depleting liver glycogen, a few stiff drinks would act as a cheat code to get deep into ketosis after a depletion workout.

Unfortunately, most of what you get if you google up “alcohol metabolism” is variations on the theme of “OH WOW YOU GUYS, DID YOU KNOW THAT DRINKING TOO MUCH IS BAD FOR YOU?  SOME VERY SMART PEOPLE IN WHITE COATS SAID SO, BECAUSE SCIENCE!  (No, we won’t tell you the science.  You’d never understand it.)”  I did, however, come up with some hits.

Recall that the presence of liver glycogen inhibits ketosis, so after a carb load we want to get rid of that nasty hepato-starch as quickly as possible… ideally without soaking up too much intramuscular glycogen, which we’ll want to have around next time we lift.  From this remarkably non-histrionic article, we discover that alcohol inhibits gluconeogenesis in the liver.  It does this by inhibiting the conversion of lactate to pyruvate; it’s been a while since I’ve done any skill-grinding on ketogenic diet physiology but this doesn’t strike me as directly relevant; it removes a pathway for the liver to generate glucose, but if the liver’s stocked up on glycogen that pathway would be too much effort.

The article also indicates that alcoholic ketoacidosis usually happens after “starvation” (that is, a day or three of fasting), and while we’re going to take advantage of the acute fasting response and its increase in growth hormone and catecholamines that’s going to happen after we drop a few fingers of whiskey.  We would like to lift, then eat, then drink, then fast for sixteen-odd hours; and we’d prefer to spend as much of the fast as possible in ketosis.  Drinking at the end of the fast, while pleasant, isn’t the operative variable.

This “helpful” little thing reinforces the idea that alcoholic ketoacidosis results from inhibited gluconeogenesis after glycogen depletion.  Glycogen depletion’s what we’re after, so about the best we can hope for from inhibited gluconeogenesis is that a drink or three will shut down some of the complementary glucose-releasing processes in the liver and put greater demand on hepatic glycogen stores.

(This blog post has been interrupted by the Patriots remembering that there’s a football game going on in the second half.)

However, all is not lost.  This abomination, aside from the quality of the reporting giving me cancer, suggests that… well, I’ll let the paper title speak for itself: “Ethanol acutely stimulates islet blood flow, amplifies insulin secretion, and induces hypoglycemia via NO and vagally mediated mechanisms”.  It sure looks like acute alcohol consumption can trigger insulin release, leading to hypoglycemia, which would presumably lead to hepatic glycogen release into blood glucose.  Which, y’all will recall, is what we want.

If it’s relevant, which is a big “if”, this’d play right into the Carb Backloading strategy of a big but short-lived insulin spike right before bedtime, disposing of any blood glucose left over from the carb load (or, presumably, liver glycogen if you don’t carb-load the night before a non-lifting day) and setting up a prompt growth hormone spike once you get to sleep.  On the other hand, recall that my research methodology is “dick around on Google Scholar until something interesting happens on Sunday Night Football”, so take this with a pillar of salt.




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