Frances Woolley needs ten points (twelve, if you count her citations as arguments from authority) to argue that bicycles are cooler than cars. I only need two to rebut:
- Cars are powered by explosions. More to the point, most cars are powered by exploding prehistoric flora. (Okay, technically it’s deflagrating, but shut up.)
- Steve fucking McQueen.
(Note that the motivated reader can combine my rebuttal with some of Woolley’s arguments to claim, rather persuasively, that motorcycles are cooler than both bicycles and cars. This should come as a surprise to precisely no-one.)
Blunt Object 
Cars were cool. RIP Steve McQueen.
Cars are getting cool again. Yes, we had a ten-year run where most “cars” were slushbox-driven transportation appliances more akin to washing machines than to anything interesting, but the Miata kept hope alive and I’m persuaded that the Hyundai Genesis Coupe, Scion FR-S/Subaru BRZ are kindling that spark into something genuinely enthusiastic.
Also, I don’t think your column’s hate on car computers is entirely justified. Sure, non-OBDII codes suck, but for forced-induction enthusiasts programmable ECUs are kind of handy, and data nerds of all parties should enjoy what telemetry systems like MoTeC have to offer the dedicated enthusiast.