Edwards, Giuliani withdraw

You know, I’ve kind of warmed up to John Edwards over the course of the Democratic nomination season. Sure, he’s a smarmy aristocratic statist faux-populist prick… but so is Senator Clinton, and Edwards hadn’t lowered himself to the same petty mudslinging depths as our friend from New York State.

Which depths are those?

• Dems are turning against the Clintons (Donkelephant)
• Why people will vote against Hillary (Donkelephant)
• The Real Issue on Hillary and Iraq (The Heart of the Matter)

…among others upon which I’ve reported already.

Alas, Mr. Edwards has withdrawn from the race:

• Edwards’ voters up for grabs (CNN.com)

I suppose he might redeem himself by endorsing Senator Obama, but I suspect that the two remaining Democratic candidates will simply split his part of the vote.

When you’re queuing to vote on America’s plains
And only one non-fucking-Clinton remains
While you still have your rifle, just blow out your brains
And go to your God like a voter
– also a parody

On the bright side, that fascist prick Giuliani is gone-fucking-gone!

• Giuliani endorses McCain (CNN.com)

(Looks like they changed the title before I blogged about it.)

I’d rather scorch my balls away with thermite than drip hydrofluoric acid on my penis or pack my urethra with Lewisite. I bring this up to set a certain context for my next statement: I’d rather see John McCain elected the 44th President of the United States than Mitt Romney or Hillary Clinton. The notion of a Giuliani presidency, on the other hand, transcends such horror as mere humans can inflict upon each other and enters the realm of Lovecraftian fantasy. I’m glad to see him gone, and I wish him nothing but misery and remorse until the universe dissipates into deathly cold gases.

Speaking of Lovecraft, I think it’s clear for whom I’ll vote:

I suppose it’s possible that Ron Paul will pick up a huge whack of delegates on Super Tuesday, but if that’s not going to happen (and I doubt that it will) we may as well move the capital to Rl’yeh and get it fucking over with.