Yeah, apparently there’s a War On Thanksgiving:

• The war on Thanksgiving (Michelle Malkin)

(No, thanks very much, I don’t read Michelle Malkin. I got the link from Ryan McMaken’s post contra Thanksgiving. Still.)

I really hadn’t noticed. Honestly, I’d never noticed Thanksgiving in the first place, at least not the same Thanksgiving that Mme. Malkin apparently celebrates. (Admittedly, I’ve only ever celebrated Canadian thanksgiving, which is similarly bizarre but comes earlier; that’s not really the point.)

I don’t mean to be rude¹, but I can’t say this any more politely: Both sides of this pissy little slapfest can go fuck themselves.

I’m sick to fucking death of half-assed “progressives” who think that all they need to do to be tolerant is complain about tiny little overspecified issues. Being “sensitive” towards any particular group on one day of the year in the context of a so-called “holiday” endorsed by the government of a single country does not make you a nice guy — it makes you an attention whore. It makes you this guy:

So you’ve been to school for a year or two, and you know you’ve seen it all.

In daddy’s car, thinkin’ you’ll go far; Back East your type don’t crawl.

Play ethnicky jazz to parade your snazz on your five grand stereo;

Braggin’ that you know how the niggers feel cold, and the slums got so much soul.
– Dead Kennedys, Holiday In Cambodia

Most people spell that “h-y-p-o-c-r-i-t-e”. Congratulations. If the extent of your social conscience is complaining about isolated issues on specific holidays, you’re doing far more harm than you are good; die in a fire.

As for Malkin and the perpetual-victim Christian types (you know the ones — these are the people who complain that America has become a godless nation because we allow two men to kiss each other in public, and things of that nature): you’re members of the dominant religion in the world’s only remaining superpower. What the blue-veined burning fuck do you have to complain about? Walk your fat privileged egos down to the nearest food bank and grab a double handful of some fucking perspective.

There’s enough passive-aggression in both of these manufactured-victimization² philosophies to devastate a small African nation. (Oh, sorry, was that insensitive? It was? Shut your face, hippie.) Let’s see if I have this right:

“Oh, woe is me! Those nasty (leftists|Christians) are hurting my feelings with their (anti|pro)-(holiday) rhetoric. They’re (trampling on|holding up) hundred-year-old manufactured traditions to push their narrow-minded God-(fearing|hating) ideologies. Won’t someone please think of the children and stop them?“

Yeah, that sounds about right. Passive-aggression disgusts me, particularly when both sides of an argument are trying their damndest to portray themselves as the bigger victim. There’s something fundamentally and pathologically wrong with that. I don’t want to be a victim, I want to be a victor. I want to win. And when I say that, I’m no different from either of these aggregations of shallow fuckwits except for the fact that I’m being honest about what I want.

When these sneaking little shitstreaks whinge about how horribly they’re being victimized, what they really mean is that someone — read government — ought to step in and Make Things Right. It’s a self-serving appeal to a higher authority; it’s an admission that they lack the sisu to fix their own fucking problems, and would really desperately like for someone else to do their dirty work. It’s cowardly, it’s reprehensible, and five’ll get you ten that your taxes and mine are being spent on one side or the other of this tempest-in-a-pisspot debate. Both sides want to win, they want to wipe out the other, but they lack the balls to come out and say it, or actually fight for what they believe in. They want someone else to fight for them. (Surprise, surprise.)

I respect precisely one thing about Fred Phelps and his church — he and his are willing to go out and propagate their hatred (well, unless they get scared off by bikers or some such) in the real world. Phelps and company actually put their meatbags on the line and carry signs in public. These fuckheads put out press releases and sulk in their goddamn bedrooms. Of course, if they had the sisu to do anything, they wouldn’t be posturing for the centerfold of Victim Monthly, now would they? They’d be off winning, rather than begging someone, anyone! to go out and win for them.

Fuck ‘em. Anyone who sets out to lose deserves to do so.

¹ Yeah, right.
² I’m referring to the self-absorbed progressive fuckheads, like the Seattle school board folks, who are trying to attach themselves to real tragedies by manufactured angst, not the tragedies themselves. It’s very much like the difference between fighting for your country and plastering a yellow-ribbon sticker on your Cadillac and screaming “Freedom isn’t free!” at everyone you see wearing tie-dye. I’m also referring to the desperation with which modern Christian majorities try to make themselves out to be, well, the Christians, rather than the lions. Sorry kids, you aren’t the underdogs any more.