In the same way that one is horrified by a train wreck (or, say, reality television), but can’t turn away, I can’t help but read CBC health reporting. These fad-following oversimplifying buffoons just can’t seem to get it right, but they keep trying — in their well-meaning, 1950s-vintage way.
Consider, for example, this:
The article’s primary failure? “It’s all about the weight.” Yeah, it seems that Canadians are gaining weight, and that’s bad. But more Canadians are losing weight, and that’s good. Right?
Sure. You can lose twenty pounds in just a few seconds by cutting off an arm. Will that make you healthier? You tell me. What does CBC think?
More good news: women who lost weight between 2002/03 and 2004/05 reported losing significantly more weight (4.91 kg versus 4.35 kg) than women who lost weight eight years earlier.
Delightful. Get them to start lopping off limbs and they can lose weight even faster! Gosh, think of how fit we’d be.
Let’s apply some basic critical thinking to this issue. (The feel-good relativist grass-eaters are excused from this discussion. Actually, the feel-good relativist grass-eaters are excused from this blog. Go on, get the fuck out, and don’t let the door hit you on the ass.)
Think of all the things that weigh something in your body. There’s fat, of course — and by fat I mean adipose tissue. There’s water — lots of water. There’s muscle, and connective tissue, and bone. There are all kinds of organs, most of which you’ll die without. All of that weighs something, so by getting rid of some of it, you can — wait for it! — lose weight.
The problem is, the only stuff we really want to get rid of is the adipose tissue. The rest of it is, broadly speaking, good, and we want to keep it. (It’s possible to have too much muscle — look at Greg Valentino, for instance — but that’s pretty rare, and you really have to work hard to get there.) Now, do we see the problem with using weight gain or loss as a measure of health?
Let’s say you want to lose some weight. You won’t have trouble finding weight loss methods (even those less extreme than amputation). For example, many athletes competing in a sport with weight classes (powerlifting, for instance, or boxing) will drop five to twenty pounds before weighing in by purposely and severely dehydrating themselves. Then they drink plenty of water before competing — at a much higher weight than their official weight class would indicate.
Will dropping twenty pounds of water make you healthier? You tell me.
Now let’s suppose you take a different approach: instead of trying to lose weight by any means necessary, you get a gym membership and start exercising. (Since I’ve kicked out all the grass-eaters, I think we can say “gym” instead of “fitness centre”.) You lift weights, do some cardio, maybe you start playing a sport once or twice a week. Six months later — you’ve gained ten pounds! Oh my fucking god, exercise is bad for you!
Well, no. What you’ve done is put on ten pounds (or so) of muscle, bone mass, and connective tissue. That’s a good thing, and if your doctor isn’t obssessed with the Body Mass Index he or she will probably be thrilled. CBC, however, will count you as part of the “44 per cent of men and 46 per cent of women (who) will continue to see their waistlines expand until they’re knocking on obesity’s door.”
My goodness. Quick, someone tell Matt Hughes that he’s obese. (I’d pay good money to watch Hughes beat the shit out of CBC’s health reporter.)
When I’m king, only people who can complete all of the Crossfit Girls will be permitted to report on fitness news.

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