Check this crazy shit out:

• ‘Slimming’ digital cameras shed pounds, gain controversy from our good friends the CBC

So… you can now get cameras that act like funhouse mirrors. I presume there are already a bazillion Photoshop filters that’ll do this for you, but now you don’t even have to pirate software from Adobe to make yourself (or your loved ones, or simply random Christmas shoppers) look squished.

I’m still trying to figure out where the controversy comes from. Now, silly me — I can only see a single dissenting voice cited in the article, coming from a (presumably well-meaning) sociology prof. That’s not exactly solid evidence of a national outcry. (But dammit, that’s my narrow, fact-based, hardline empiricist-positivist world-view perverting my judgement of the broad, organic, natural, feelings-based world most people live in. After all, these are the people who think that cameras can magically turn assholes into pacifists and convince themselves — and, gods help us, convince legislators — that we can be safe if only we pass enough laws and restrict enough freedoms. These so-called people wouldn’t know a fact if it slithered up their assholes and bit off their prostates.)

Okay, let’s segue into these magical cameras that Vancouver police want to install on Granville street. It seems that cameras can, and I quote, “crack down on unruly bar-goers”. Yep. These things can somehow override drunken aggression, and turn someone who spits in a bouncer’s face into someone who meekly tips his waitress and hails a cab.

Bullshit.

What cameras can do is provide evidence. Once you’ve assaulted someone, these cameras can prove to a court, judge, and jury that you did what you’ve been accused of. They can indeed boost conviction rates, which I’m sure makes everyone involved (from the prosecution’s side, at least) look awesome. Now, they can’t stop you from breaking some poor guy’s jaw, but I’m sure he’ll feel better about slurping down protein shakes for the next three months knowing that you were caught on tape.

(Oh, they can also catch you if you piss on a skyscraper. I guess that’s a real problem these days.)

Come the fuck on. Once someone’s drunk and angry enough to take a swing on Granville street, they’re not going to be looking around for cameras wondering if they’re going to get caught — there are already plenty of witnesses. Like the article says, Granville street is popular. It’s busy. These assholes don’t care that someone might see them — they’re past that point.

And here’s the bit that scares me most:

“When you’re weighing the options of civil liberties versus crime and safety, many citizens are willing in certain circumstances to lean toward crime and safety, and we need to have that discussion publicly in Vancouver.” — Vancouver Mayor Sam Sullivan

Blah blah blah Benjamin Franklin blah blah essential liberty blah blah blah temporary safety blah. You know the drill by now: “If we only pass enough laws, if we only restrict enough freedoms, maybe we’ll be safe.”
Well, you have to admit, it’s worked pretty well so far. After all, look how effectively the proliferation of drug laws has reduced drug abuse!